yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
