The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
