i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
