When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
