Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
