I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
