SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
