I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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