please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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