Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
