so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
COCAINE IS GR8
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
