dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
