Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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