the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
