O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize