Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
