doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
