Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
