The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
