there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
