Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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