i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
