I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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