Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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