Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
