She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
