You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
