Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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