it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
