Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
