I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
