got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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