My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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