i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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