when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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