I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
