New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
