I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
