i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
