She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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