I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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