youre lurking in front of me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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