as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well you can't waste a boner
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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