The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
