A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
