then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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