I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
