Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
