I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
