By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
