I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
