Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
