So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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