I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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