I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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