Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize