Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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