I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
