I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
