i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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