started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
