I just made out with a guy for $7.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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