Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize