I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
