Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
